in an aside the judge agreed with the defense attorneys that making elderly nursing home residents fight for their blood pressure medication was funny but ruled in favor of the prosecution who argued that the practice was inhumane many of the residents in question were relieved but a few continued their daily afternoon ritual some fought for viagra others simply for honor

07-24-08

elderly fights

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how'd i get into balls well back when I started there was already a painter of lifht so i was like where do I fit into the art world did some research and I cam across the sack it's the elephant of the crotch as some say after a few years of ball study I managed to carve out a nice niche right between the 'rection and the dirt button

07-21-08

painter of balls

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great there goes my kerosene collection

07-19-08

house fire

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during a lunchtime break general david petraeus played a game of virtual golf in the base's recreation room goddamn it he said I'm going to be stuck in this sand pit forever

07-15-08

stuck in this sand pit

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at their next meal the classy couple left a similar message written on the white linen tablecloth with veal stock and underlined with chateauneuf-du-pape

07-13-08

no service

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aw dude sick who refused to sign the kyoto protocol on limiting emissions

07-10-08

aw dude sick

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what's that coffee shop's out of cranberry-orange so you had to settle for a blueberry scone sorry I couldn't here you over my government destabilizing

07-08-08

settle for a blueberry scone

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some tiki bullshit over here fancy an enormous fucking scotch on the rocks retro shit man you are gullible for this crap giant fucking martini for no reason

07-06-08

retro shit

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you know that thing you don't own your cat owns it's true but technically it's only true for fatties under cat law we have power of attorney over anyone who weights more than a hundred-fifty kilograms they aren't lying really they're lucky that our minds can't grasp the concept of labor theory the basis of oh fuck is that some catnip where's

07-03-08

your cat owns

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and in closing I'd like to point out that my wife is now eligible to run for president

07-01-08

eliot spitzer

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