your patent application has been rejected for the following reason(s) making a snail smoke weed is not an invention

03-31-09

patent rejection

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above police in japan remotely operate a shame robot fumenboku roboto an onboard loudspeaker demands that all citizens who have committed crimes must lay down where they stand the ashamed are pulled into the robot's holding tank where they stay until the robot returns them to police headquarters for questioning

03-30-09

shame robot

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help me you idiots hellllppppp the president screamed the photographers said nothing their cameras clicking away in burst-mode as the president shrank to the size of a mouse then a sugar cube then a pinhead and then to nothing at all

03-27-09

shrinking president

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shaken but unhurt the driver admitted to bystanders that he was indeed skeered the horse definitely didn't fear this he said

03-26-09

aint skeered

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we demand that you bring us food and water our people are hungry this cannot go on much longer before we take action yeah fries are fine room 233 fifteen minutes okay thanks

03-25-09

bring us food

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on thursday us representative ron paul spent three hours in the nude breaking the ice in a frozen lake with an axe when asked about the brutal ice attack rep paul's spokesman replied don't tread on me and hung up

03-24-09

ron paul on ice

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ha ha hey bill you see that caddy over there if he was a chick would you have her blow you yeah i would and you know what if that caddy drove the economy into a ditch you'd be his dad

03-20-09

ex presidents golf club

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tyler are you ready yet i can feel my face breaking out under all this crap damn that's hot nothin's better than a chick all sharked up beggin for it

03-18-09

all sharked up

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the heavens thundered and a voice spoke let it be known the cursed shall roam the land called florida for all eternity and so it was

03-16-09

the cursed shall roam

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curious i pointed to the sign duct-taped to the outside of donnie's shed what's that about he lifted his cigarette to his mouth and took a pensive drag telephone he said miming a telephone receiver with his left hand call like a telephone call he tapped the sign with the barrel of his m-16 you ever make a fuckin telephone call you some kinda kind of idiot shit

03-12-09

like a telephone call

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yo anyone else on watchers how many activity points you get for playin quake

03-11-09

activity points

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dont worry maam all of our ropes and harnesses are made in china

03-09-09

ropes and harnesses

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i'm guarding the fucking road buddy what are you doing for america

03-05-09

get a job

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no it's great it really does look great bernie i was just hoping you know that we'd fill the streets with the blood of my enemies

03-04-09

blood of my enemies

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guys we've been googling for hours and turned up nothing i think we may have been hoaxed the ham'n'mayo doritos simply don't exist

03-03-09

ham n mayo

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obama bush

03-02-09

who has a question for the president

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