nuttn just hangn w/my boring famly. wat ru doin - Nothing, just hanging with my boring family. What are you doing.

06-30-09

phelps text message

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How did you know I wanted you to makes it rain.

06-29-09

makes it rain

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Sven! Hälp! Blåbärs soppa is hëvy! (Halp, Blabars, hevy)

06-26-09

halp is hevy

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Hmm, something's not right... Ah! Needs another "Where."

06-25-09

tea party sign maker

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Sounds like your case will be a slam-dunk. Just fax over the tattoo paperwork and I'll call you Monday. You did get everything in writing, right?

06-24-09

get everything in writing

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Hold on... The second amendment? I thought we were protesting the quartering of soldiers.

06-23-09

amendment protester

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You see that dude? Ugh. I feel like I'm gonna ralph. Yeah... now, two dudes kissing, that'd be hot. Hell yeah, bro. Word to the Chairman.

06-22-09

word to the chairman

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No text.

06-19-09

banana dogs

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Where is my vote? You have voted for George W. Bush.

06-18-09

where is my vote

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What makes Joe Biden happy? When he's strolling through the park with his friend Barry and he comes across two masked men beating a third man hanging in a tree by his back skin, while a topless lady reclines on the ground as if nothing is happening.

06-17-09

what makes joe biden happy

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Looks like your tomatoes are coming in already alreadWHUHHHHGHHHHHH

06-16-09

tomato garden

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$civics or basic math$

I don't understand civics or basic math and I vote

06-15-09

civics or basic math

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You have a hangover? Why am I not surprised? When it's time to fly around with your buddies and crap on people, you never have a hangover, but when we make plans to go look for twigs and string... Are you listening to me? All I'm saying is that swans mate for life, Lance, and we're not swans.

06-11-09

hangover

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Several feet down the road, another lamp-post bore a similar message written in blue marker: Phi (MY BALLS + YOUR FACE) = 1

06-10-09

fuck quantum physics

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Hey, ismail... this is zahir. How is your day so far, my friend? I am calling because I need you to come and pick me up. My camel was towed. The fee is forty riyals plus they chop off one of my hands.

06-09-09

camel was towed

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Eagle sparrow 18 to base, over. Can't see the manual, over. Chester is sitting on it. Chester. Move. Move. Chester.

06-08-09

chester sitting

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obama can we try to salvage the economy can we dance well let's do it a break it down

06-05-09

dj lance barack

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I am a juvenile delinquent who should be punished / Let's get out of here, she said, and then, lowering her voice, Looks like juvie's full... if he attacks one of us he'll be right back out on the street with his sign.

06-04-09

juvie

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I'm okay guys I just gagged a little cause Todd said something about a whale. Those things are sick as hell, man. If you see one, just keep it to yourself. Good. Behind me? It'd better not be a... it's not? Okay, I'll check it OH GODDAMNIT BLURRRGGHK

06-03-09

sick as hell man

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What? Something on my face? Where? Whuh? sommin on muh fashe?

06-02-09

you got something on your face

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obama's plan white slavery they figured us out hillary they're just too cunning you know where i can get some giant ovens

06-01-09

the white solution

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