archives (by month):

2010: jan . : . feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep
2009: jan . : . feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec
2008: jan . : . feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec

Although Martin's family loved the idea, his writeup of Ice Lake Segwayers failed to convince History Channel execs.

ice lake segwayers
08-31-09

ice lake segwayers
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This is a lot like the health-insurance industry, girls... except all the ice cream tastes like shit, and poor people stand out in the street with signs about how they love the taste of shit.

health insurance industry
08-27-09

health insurance industry
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On condition of anonymity, a top official in the Ecuadorian government told us, Listen, we do what we can... I can say this much. Voto's mostlo secreto.

secret ballots
08-26-09

secret ballots
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As his motorcade passed the building, President Obama tapped his wife on the shoulder and pointed. That building's right, he said. What this country needs is young men and women willing to steal spraypaint and use it to write their secret graffiti names on trains. (spraypaint)

teach kids graffiti
08-25-09

teach kids graffiti
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walrus putin

when putin says tusks you say da
08-24-09

when putin says tusks you say da
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This stuff's gonna be worth a fortune in a few months.

ice collector
08-20-09

ice collector
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The men watched in silent admiration as Senator Franken's sign was formally mounted to the plaque outside his new office door. With a Kenyan Muslim president and the secret American leader of Al-Qaeda in the senate, they knew their time had come.

secret american leader of al qaeda
08-19-09

secret american leader of al qaeda
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So uh mics are off? Okay, good. Listen... one of the Phillies was talking some trash earlier, so I got one of my guys to do a little something. Just act surprised, okay? Be like, whoa! What was that!

whoa what was that
08-17-09

whoa what was that
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Hey, mom. Listen, before you freak out, I'm okay... I just passed out this morning, so they admitted me to the hospital. Nothing serious... I was just having hipster withdrawals. They got me on an IV line of PBR and a little oxygen tube that blows Parliament smoke up my nose.

hipster withdrawals
08-13-09

hipster withdrawals
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When asked later about his refusal to face the same way as the rest of the men, Sergio replied, "This, I learned from America's military leaders... When you are wrong, pretend that you are right. When others point it out, refuse to admit your error. When you fail, blame everyone else for not agreeing with you."

americas military leaders
08-12-09

americas military leaders
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Excuse me... waitress? I ordered this to go... it's going to feed my extended family for a month.

extended family
08-11-09

extended family
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Uh, hi, this message is for whoever has the gold teeth... What kind are they. Incisors, bicuspids, molars... give me a call back when you get a chance.

two gold teeth
08-10-09

two gold teeth
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What's my advice about life? Life in general? Easy. Collect as many books as you can.

collect books get bitches
08-06-09

collect books get bitches
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I wonder what Hillary's doing right now. Probably something diplomatic. You don't think we should wait until tomorrow to nuke North Korea? Today, Barry, has to be today. Don't make me stick a cigar in your P'Zone.

bill clinton in north korea
08-05-09

bill clinton in north korea
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A workman cleans the Olympic-gymnast storage facilities in Tianjin, China, where the athletes will be living until the 2012 summer Olympics in London.

olympic gymnast storage facilities
08-04-09

olympic gymnast storage facilities
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archives (by month):

2010: jan . : . feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep
2009: jan . : . feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec
2008: jan . : . feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec